I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
