Quick, to the slutcave!
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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