connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Randomize
