i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize
