then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Randomize
