I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
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If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
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Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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