i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
