I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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