girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
