I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
