Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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