I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
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