Can i not drive my cunt home
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
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