You work out of a Hotel?
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize
