I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
