I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
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