the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I think I won the penis lottery.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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