im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
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