I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
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