I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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