I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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