I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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