bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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