What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Welp...herpes.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
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