Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
