I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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