I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
