suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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