and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
