She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
