May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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