Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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