Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Randomize
