I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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