I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
