Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
