sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
