Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Two words: nipple clamps
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