Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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