Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
This toilet bowl is my home.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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