I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
