Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
