my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
