i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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