sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
