I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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