i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
