I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
