She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
