Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
