At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I looked at my own cervix.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Randomize
