I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
ok first of all what the fuck
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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