Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
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