The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
