I wish I could teleport
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Randomize
