wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
