my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
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