she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Randomize
