i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Randomize
