I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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