Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
