did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Randomize
