i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Dick very happy bro
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
