A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
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