Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
