it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
