and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Boobs are out for the taking
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Randomize
