Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
