1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize
