I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
