There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
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you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
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I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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