I should be sponsored by Trojan
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize