The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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