i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
It's like God shit irony all over that family
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
