First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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