Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Farmville is her only friend.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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