When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
