I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
