he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I wear drunk well.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
