There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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