New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize