Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
It's blow job season.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
