They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Randomize
