i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
