Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
they're like a gay fantastic four
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
